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Thursday, 18 September 2008

Today is a new day ...

On Sunday 14th Sept 2008, my life as I knew it, was ripped to shreds. All the pressures of the past 6 months came to a head and my soulmate left and all our hopes and dreams for the future went with him. My heart feels like it is never going to heal but time is a great healer so everyone tells me and I have to trust in that.
The past few days have been very emotional and very difficult to get through but each day I wake up and I'm still here.
Yesterday I made a decision - I want to rent a flat of my own, and leave this house which I co-own with a friend and rent a flat just for me. Where I can shut the door at night and say "this is mine and I can care for it on my own without having to rely on anyone else", which is what I have been doing for the past 2o odd years because I stupidly thought that bricks and mortar (well plasterboard and breezeblock in my case) brought you happiness and stability - but it doesn't. This house has bought me nothing but pain and I want out of here before I go mental. At 47 years of age, its time I stood on my own two feet and moved on.
I am not closing the book on my soulmate as I could never do that - the door will always be open for him as somewhere down the line, I still want him in my life but I want him to know that its HIM that I want as a person and not just for his wallet which I think is how he thought sometimes and I don't blame him for that in anyway. After taking some time to think over the past couple of days and doing what I have had to do, its made me think to myself "hang on, if you have gotten off your backside and got a job interview next week, why didn't you do that before and help put into the house more?" That was just me being plain selfish and expecting others to look after me - but the world doesn't work like that. You have to go out and look after number 1 and that now is my ultimate goal.
my co-owner is going to have to learn to stand on her own two feet as well as I can only manage me right now and too much has happened recently for me to deal with all that too.
My saddest decision though is that of my beloved cats - they have to be re-homed and I have resigned my self to that and am trying to get that arranged within the next couple of days as I can no longer afford to keep them. The pain of losing them can't be any worse than the pain of losing my soulmate and I know they will be cared for wherever they go. If I had the money, I would take them to woodgreen animal shelter but they ask for £40 per cat and I don't have £160 to spare right now. So I have to think of something else.
So, wish me luck everyone and if anyone knows of a gang of workers who will get the house into a saleable state and who are willing to be paid in bacon sandwiches and cups of tea, please point them in my direction as I am truly going to need divine intervention to help me through all this


  1. Cazz please take care - as you say its time to think of number one. Believe me there are many true friends who will travel your path beside you please let us xx

  2. Darlin' you are a star as Kay says we are all true friends and we will walk beside you every step of the way.
    Today truly is a new day. I am sooooooo pleased to see this blog.
    Luvs Ya trillions.
    You are in my heart and my prayers. Hang in there Darlin' I wish I was nearer.

  3. Good Luck Cazz. You know my philosophy it's in the header on my blog. YESTERDAY IS HISTORY, TOMORROW A MYSTERY, TAKE TODAY AS A GIFT. All things in life's plan happen for a reason however hard of good they are to bear but I know from my own experiences they make us stronger people.

    best wishes Darling

    love CATH Haywood

  4. Cazz
    If I had a magic wand I would fix your house.Put a add in the local papers(if they are free) & quest for help from locals that can help to fix your house. For the sweet pussys put ina add to free homes someone will love to take them.
    Good luck my sweet girl

  5. So pleased to see you have posted Cazz. As you say no matter how bad things seem we do wake up to a new day and it sounds like you are ready to make a new start in life for yourself. I think you are doing the right thing moving away and I wish you luck in rehoming your fur babies and of course luck for the future in general. We are all here for you Cazz and just wish I could do something practical instead of just sending good wishes and positive thoughts your way. Take care, love Denise XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  6. Hugs to you Cazz and hope everything comes out right for you in the end
    thinking of you

  7. I was wondering how you were coping Cazz so just popped on to see if there was any news.before I go off on a weeks holiday...Glad you have got things straight in your head now and are ready to move on to pastures new. I wish you all the luck in that direction with the house, job and cats :0) Take care and hope the future holds better things for you.

  8. Glad that you are posting's hard...I know...but I've said it are a strong lady and you will get through this.

    Sue x

  9. Hi Cazz, My heart goes out to you but its good you are thinking this way. I hope everything works out in the future. Take care, lots of hugs, and good luck. Love Jill

  10. God bless you cazz I wish you well in whatever you deside to do. I'ts neve easy when you lose a soulmate. whether they have gone away or passed away.I don't know which is the worse. I lost Mine to a stroke over 4 years ago. the chops club has helpped me so much please don't give up on us we are there to help even if its only a friendly ear! (((((((Hugs))))))) Suzy

  11. Cazz

    My heart goes out to you and i wish i could wave a wand & make your pain disappear. I hope that all works out well for you in the future & as you say tomorrow is another day.

    Your friends in the Club will be with each tiny or huge step you take.

    Look after yourself & take care.

    Love & hugs


  12. Cazz, you are in my thoughts and I wish you well in your new start. Stay strong and take comfort that you have lots of friends who are with you in spirit at this time of change.
    Keep smiling

  13. you are in my thoughts and prayers, Cazz.

  14. Cazz,

    Just be strong and take one day at a time hun xxx